


One Second

by twowritehands



Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Bottom Ethan, Demisexuality, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Post-Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (2015)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:09:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27120220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twowritehands/pseuds/twowritehands
Summary: While strapped in the explosive vest, Benji makes a confession that changes everything.
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt
Comments: 9
Kudos: 41





	One Second

This was it. Less than 10 seconds 'til the end of everything. Benji looked deep into Ethan's eyes. He had so many regrets--absolutely not ready to die--but he had some time. Just enough to fix at least one regret. Maybe the biggest one.

00:00:04

With a hard gulp, the words bloomed out almost on their own accord.

00:00:03

"Ethan--"

00:00:02

"--I've always loved you!" Benji braced for the blast. 

No big bang. Just the sound of air punching out of Ethan's chest.

Benji gasped. Time continued to tick on, but the clock was stopped on .19 seconds.

They were alive. Miraculously.

In place of elation, Benji felt horror. 

What had he done?

His heartfelt declaration still hung in the air. But Ethan folded his surprise away as swiftly as any trained spy. Back to business. 

That slithery voice of evil in Benji's ear hissed, "Well, that was awkward."

"Well that was--" too late he realized it wasn't for him to repeat. But he finished lamely, "awkward."

Ilsa was stiff, and Benji knew better to even glance in her direction, or he would see her pity. Lane laughed in his ear.

Benji half wished they had all blown up. And in that same rush of feeling, had the nasty suspicion that Lane had somehow planned for this exact thing to happen. Was this even a real bomb?

Where did the trickery and conniving arrogance end?

As soon as he thought it, he knew better. This was definitely a bomb. He could still die, if he moved off the pressure plate or Lane felt like turning the count down back on.

"If you want the rest, the bone doctor is going to have to beat it out of me!" Ethan punched the table, his cool calm demeanor fractured, displaying rage and urgency that made Benji seize up.

_Oh god._

A beat later, Lane began reciting the release code. Benji exhaled, shaking, and typed it in, freed himself and rolled the payload up in his jacket to prevent panic. 

Even though all he really wanted to do was run screaming _BOMB! BOMB! BOMB!_ , he moved calmly. Professional. Like Ethan. Like that embarrassing blunder never even happened.

Ethan handed him a phone, voice steady but eyes full of feeling, "Go. Luther and Brandt are waiting."

What did it mean?

Ethan clearly felt _something_ about his confession, but at the moment they had work to do and he was begging Benji to stay focused. To get the job done.

Benji ran off, mortified and sickened by the very real possibility that he had just overly complicated a delicate situation. Ethan couldn't afford distraction at the moment and that was all Benji was. Not a composed agent. Just a blithering asshole.

What he wouldn't give to take that final second back and survive with dignity.

He found Brandt and Luther constructing a glass box with sleeping gas lines feeding into it. They gave him a run down on the plan. Simple cat and mouse. Ethan and Ilsa would lead Lane right to the trap. 

As Benji waited in the dark, he heard a lot of gunshots. Glass shattering. Then--finally--Ethan slid through the hole and landed in a heap, crawling away slowly. 

Was he shot? Injured?

Benji held himself back by focusing on one fact: Ethan was breathing. And Lane arrived seconds later, so the worry didn't last long. 

They sealed the case, and Ethan stood up, not so wounded after all, as if a director had shouted cut. Though Benji noticed him ever so slightly favoring his left leg-- _This_ was a composed agent. 

Ethan was the best of them all and always would be.

They loaded Lane into the truck. Luther and Brandt took him away. Benji held back as Ethan and Ilsa hugged goodbye.

Ethan was attracted to her. Probably had feelings for her, too. Because who wouldn't? Benji was gay and slightly in love with her himself. She was Ethan Hunt in high-heels. 

As her car sped away, Benji braced for the ol' I'm Flattered But I Just See You As a Friend let down. 

Ethan turned. His expression darkened to one of anger. It seemed like he might speak, but grew angrier and walked away. 

Benji blinked. Then frowned and went after him. "Hang on, are you upset with me?"

"How could you do that?" Ethan said. His voice was breathy, ragged. Right on the edge.

Benji slowed in confusion. "Wha…?"

Ethan didn't slow down or stop. Benji sped up but Ethan jumped in a car, started the engine, and peeled out of the parking space. The tires squealed on a pin point turn, and suddenly the car was facing Benji. It revved menacingly. 

Jesus. "Ethan? Let's talk about this, please!"

Another revving growl.

"Oh. It's like that, is it?" Benji muttered, indignant. It wasn't like he had confessed to being a traitor to America. He crossed his arms. "Fine."

If Ethan really was so pissed off over _this_ , then he could run Benji over, but it wouldn't change a damn thing. He loved Ethan and that was that. It was out there. Couldn't be stopped.

He could see Ethan through the windshield, face grim, knuckles white on the wheel.

Benji did not move. A dare. Ethan wouldn't actually run him over.

While he wished he hadn't said anything, now that he had, he needed to be a man about it. Face the music. No take backs.

This was going to get messy.

The car burned rubber on take off. Benji didn't move except to brace and squeeze his eyes tight. He heard the car zoom closer, felt the wind of it as it zipped by him so close his clothes moved. 

More tire screeching as the car came to a hard stop several yards behind him. Benji exhaled and looked over his shoulder breathing, " _Mad man_!"

Ethan's door swung open. He came charging out of the car. 

Benji gulped. "Listen. I know it ruins everything. And it's against the rules. I'm sorry. I couldn't help falling in love with you and, I swear, I wasn't ever going to act on it, but I thought that was it. Y'know? It just came out."

This stopped Ethan's attack. He came to a standstill. "Why?"

"What do you mean why? I thought I was going to die--"

"No, why weren't you ever going to act on it?" Ethan invaded his space with body heat, musk, whiffs of dried sweat and eyes deep with curiosity. 

Benji's brain was grinding to a halt. He laughed, sensing a joke or a prank. "C'mon. You're. Pretty far out of my league. I... never had a chance--did I?"

Ethan grinned crookedly. Benji's brain stopped working all together. He echoed weakly, "Did I?"

Ethan tilted across the small space between them and kissed Benji's bottom lip. Benji kissed back and hummed until the kiss ended with a soft smack. Ethan was chuckling.

In a distant way, Benji knew he was being laughed at for being a moany kisser, but it couldn't touch him up here on cloud nine.

 _Ethan Hunt just kissed him_!

When he licked his lips he tasted traces of gunpowder and salt. The smell of burnt rubber tickled his nostrils. "You were so upset with me you tried to run me over."

"I wasn't going to run you over. I just hated you for a second and wanted to fight."

Benji huffed with confusion.

"I saw you accept your death and it pissed me off," a ripple of his anger returned. He pushed air through his nose, "We _have_ to fight with every last second there is, Benji. You're not _allowed_ to give up... Especially now." he wrapped his arms around him.

Benji's heart fluttered wildly and he repressed an urge to giggle. He couldn't be moany _and_ giggly. But thinking of that countdown helped sober him. "I didn't, though. I never wanted to die, even for a second."

Ethan continued to hold him. "I was looking right in your eyes. I saw you give in. You were going to let it happen."

Benji reflected for a moment and then rasped, "I wasn't letting myself die. I was letting myself love you."

Ethan looked at him. Amusement glittered in his hazel eye. "For one whole second?"

Benji wheezed slightly. "Been a bit longer now. Thanks to that insane bluff of yours."

Ethan smiled at him, and it was radiant. Benji basked for as long as it took him to note, with a drop, Ethan wasn't saying it back. 

But Ethan wasn't upset about it, either. He wasn't asking Benji to stop. He was just smiling. Happy.

Benji had always expected rejection. In his wildest dreams Ethan returned his love. But not once had he considered that his feelings would be known, and he would have the chance to make Ethan love him back. 

To court. And woo. And charm. 

Oh God, how did one charm again?

"Erm. I, er," he coughed. "I was reimbursed 2 tickets to the opera. Would you care to, um…. Go?"

Ethan's chuckle was low in his chest and now his eyes were shining. He nodded. 

Benji smiled, kissed him soundly on the lips, and felt like laughing and screaming at the same time. "--Go with me, I mean. Was that clear?"

Ethan laughed. "Yes. And I'm looking forward to it."

Elation expanded Benji's chest. "Great! Wonderful. I'll. Call you, then. With all the details."

Ethan's brows bunched and he shook his head. "You're coming with me."

"I am?"

Ethan made a face. 

"I am. Of course. Yeah."

They climbed into the still running car. Their seatbelts clicked in unison. Ethan glanced sheepishly at him. "I'm sorry for driving right at you. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"Didn't touch me. Came within an inch," Benji held up a finger and thumb and shook his head. "Remind me never to piss you off again."

"I may have overreacted. It's just. There was _a lot_ on the line back there and..."

And Benji understood what Ethan couldn't say. That he hadn't exactly handled the rush of new feelings well at all. 

It was the first thing Benji had ever seen him handle poorly. The flaw humanized him and tripled Benji's fondness.

"Yeah," he grunted through the wave of love, "It was _not_ a good time to throw that wrench. I do apologize. I've always had awful timing."

Ethan drove quietly for a stretch, with a pensive little grin. Benji tried not to squirm or fidget in the suffocating silence. Clamping down on the need to babble made his palms sweat. He felt a little car sick. 

Ethan glanced over at him, lips parted. The corner of one side twitched back in an effortlessly charming smile. "When did you realize…?"

"That I love you? How much time do you have?" the sarcasm thinly veiled his sweet misery. 

Ethan clamped his jaw shut, and--holy cow, was that a blush? Was that a real blush?

Benji's heart did cartwheels, while his tongue suddenly swelled. Hard to swallow. Benji scrubbed his palms on his knees, gulping. Finally he found his voice. 

"I wanted you from day one. _Instant_ king of my fantasies--" fuck, why was he talking about masturbating? Panic sent acid reflux up his throat which he choked back down. But Ethan chuckled happily, speeding up, still sunset pink. Benji prattled, breathless, "--you know how crushes go. Forbidden fruit is sweetest of all. Then we started working together more and more, and you're just the total package, aren't you? _But_ \--you were married. Then you weren't. Would have been great if you'd turned out to be a total prick like the other top agents. Or at least totally Straight. But, just my luck, you're bisexual and not afraid to show it. So there I am, totally screwed. You are handsome, fit, kind, loyal, _beyond_ brave--and you can be quite funny when the mood strikes you." Benji rubbed his forehead. His fingers were shaking from the emotional release of this mini rant he had never done out loud before. He shut his eyes, breathing into the best part. "But it's the way _your mind works_ that really does me in. Truly. How you problem solve and predict the way people are going to behave is absolutely breathtaking. Genius doesn't begin to cover it. So, suffice it to say, I love everything about you, Ethan. And it's as close to love at first sight as people get in the real world."

Ethan took a corner on two wheels and pulled the car into a parking lot. It was a motel. They parked. Everything became still and tense within the car. 

Ethan broke the silence. "How much of a genius can I be if I never predicted this." He laughed, "Benji... I'm speechless."

"Come on, you had to know on some level." Benji laughed at himself, "I'm not a smooth criminal by any stretch of the imagination. Let's be honest."

Ethan's nose wrinkled with the size of his smile. "Okay. I guess I knew you idolized me. I didn't know it was romantic."

Mortification washed cold over Benji. He gulped, searching for humor and coming up dry, "Because you never saw me that way. Okay, then--hang on," He gestured to the motel, "If this is about throwing me a bone or taking pity on the sappy computer geek--"

"It's about opening my eyes," Ethan declared, "to what was in front of me the whole time; finally seeing past what I had with Julia. Seeing a new way to…." his eyes were molten heat. His voice became low and wavered on the edges. "Come in with me."

 _Oh god_.

Benji had been raised better. Dates were the proper thing to do first. He should take Ethan to the opera. Or dinner and a movie, _at least._ Like a gentleman.

He reached over and caressed Ethan's face, thumb sweeping the beauty mark by his nose. Ethan leaned into the touch . Christ, Benji didn't want to screw this up. 

"Ethan…"

But how could he say no?

They were already here. And he didn't feel like a gentleman at the moment. He felt truly _alive_ and hungry for stuff that made life worth living. Stuff Ethan was offering. 

...and wasn't dating for strangers to get to know each other?

Fuck it. This was happening.

Ethan grinned when he saw the surrender. 

***

They were assigned a room on the second floor. Benji climbed the outdoor stairs behind Ethan, and couldn't take his eyes off that perfect bubble butt. Where did Ethan find such tight pants?

Was this a dream? Was he actually going to get to--?

Maybe the bomb did denote and this was heaven. 

Ethan's hips had a sensual sway in them as they walked the length of the balcony. Benji's heart pounded. His mouth was going dry. It was hard to think beyond anything Ethan was doing. 

Ethan was in the room now. Removing jacket. Shoes. Socks. Shirt. The recent mission had left plenty of scrapes and bruises on him and yet there were so many muscles, most of them were unblemished.

Benji tried to keep up, removing the same article of clothing as Ethan, while also trying to touch all the newly exposed skin. He was so warm and _firm_ everywhere.

A kiss brought their entire bodies together, tongues touching. It stopped Benji's heart for a second. His moan changed octaves a couple of times.

"Sorry," he rasped against Ethan's lips as they stumbled to the bed. "I'll stop doin' that."

"I don't mind it," Ethan assured. He wriggled his hips free of his pants. Benji got a glimpse of naked hip and a smooth, shapely butt cheek that made him dizzy. Too much blood loss from the brain. 

His cock became uncomfortably stiff, reminding him to keep up. He opened his pants as Ethan crawled backwards onto the bed, out of his clothes. Naked. Hairless. He waited against the pillow. Grinning. 

Benji didn't make him wait for long. Once he kicked out of his trousers, he crawled over Ethan, lips first. He kissed a trail from stomach to neck before it really landed on him that this wasn't a one night stand with someone who kind of looked like Ethan. 

This _was_ Ethan. 

And it wasn't a one night stand. 

It _mattered_ what happened tonight.

"God, I've wanted this for so long," he gushed, partly to explain the weird shivery feeling that had come over him. Could Ethan feel him shaking?

Ethan's hands made sensual tracks up and down his back and ribs before targeting his nipples. Benji gasped and moaned into the kiss again. 

He pushed their hips together and felt Ethan's stirring arousal. He growled softly into his ear, "What do you like, darling? Tell Benji."

Ethan's voice cracked but then died. 

"Hm? Anything you want. I want to give you everything."

A shiver coursed through Ethan's torso. He held Benji closer. His voice was small, nearly lost in Benji's neck, "Keep saying it?"

Goosebumps erupted under Benji's lips, briefly distracting him, but then he dragged the tip of his nose along Ethan's jaw and bumped against his nose. Eye to eye, he whispered, "I love you."

Ethan's eyes glittered wetly as he laughed happily. He breathed raggedly with soft gulps. 

Benji kept kissing him, but chuckled a little, "I do. I love you. I dream about falling asleep next to you, waking up beside you. I think about you all the time."

Ethan bit Benji's lower lip, preventing him from talking until he released it, plump and dark red. Now he felt a butterfly pulse in every kiss he pressed against Ethan's skin. He laughed at himself again,

"I memorized a sonnet once, because it made me think of you."

Ethan's mouth smacked off a nipple. Carefree curiosity made him boyishly handsome. "Which one?"

The wet shine of his lips drew Benji to his mouth for a kiss that rolled them across the bed. Ethan straddled him and sat up. "Shakespeare?"

"Might've been. Can't remember," Benji grunted. He really couldn't. He could feel Ethan's asshole fluttering against his throbbing cock, and the world was tilting. 

He was tossed against Ethan and they rolled again, this time nearly off the bed. They caught themselves on the bedside table which broke a lamp. 

Laughing, they adjusted position, and wound up 

between the sheets, grinding once more.

Ethan scrubbed the pads of his fingers through Benji's beard, petting his face affectionately. "I fucking love this beard."

Benji's heart skipped a beat. The beard was a part of him, and Ethan loved it. He was never shaving again.

"Your legs," he moaned back, stroking the powerful thighs locked around him. "Fuck, they make me hot."

"Your eyes," Ethan touched his crow's feet and suddenly Benji had never felt more vulnerable in his life. It choked him up. He combed Ethan's hair back and kissed him right between the eyes.

Shaking with desire, Ethan straightened his legs and guided Benji's erection past his balls. He squeezed his thighs to simulate a tight warm channel for him to fuck.

It was good. New. Interesting. But not enough. Benji slowed his strokes with a hard quaver in his body. "I-I need more. Is it? Can I?"

Ethan nodded. Benji went absolutely frantic searching for the condom in his wallet. Ethan, smirking, slicked himself with spit and Benji added more before coaxing the tip in.

The stretch widened Ethan's eyes. Benji moved carefully until he was in a good position to wait as Ethan adjusted.

He could have heard a pin drop.

He met Ethan's eye. His face was a hard mask of concentration, but his eyes were full of complete trust.

Benji sank into it all. When Ethan was ready, he showed his love fervently. It was amazing. _Ethan_ was amazing. The pleasure somehow permeated Benji's entire body. He actually felt his life force thrumming at one point. 

_Hell yeah_ this was living!

He followed wordless demands from Ethan, going faster, harder until that agent-with-a-mission glare broke into a rapturous expression.

He came apart beneath Benji with little hip jerks, the cords standing out in his neck; mostly silent, with sweat and ragged panting for air. His cum dotted his chest. His ass spasmed on Benji's cock.

Benji lost it, gushing into the condom with an unshaped, moany cry to the ceiling that he cut off and turned into a growl. For two or three seconds, he was absolutely invincible and then he felt lucky to be alive. Lucky to have someone to feel alive with.

And not just anyone. 

When Benji lifted up to have a look, Ethan was smiling like a prince, laying in a spent heap. 

"God, you make the best noises."

"You like that?"

"I hate when a top doesn't make a peep. I might as well be riding a dildo."

With his cock spent, the blood rushed straight to his face. "God. Ethan. Let me catch my breath before you rile me back up."

Ethan's laugh was closer to a giggle. "Does the thought of me using a vibrator make you hot?"

He hummed. "What do you think about when you do it?"

Ethan's eyelashes veiled his eyes. Benji licked his lips and rolled closer. "...Do you think about love?"

Goosebumps answered him. Benji kissed the skin tenderly. "Feeling loved? Safe and loved?"

Ethan released a shuddering breath. Benji wrapped his arms around him from behind, blinking back a burning in his eyes. "You are so loved."

Ethan made a noise, small and explosive and Benji realized it was a sob half disguised as a cough. He squeezed a little tighter but otherwise didn't ask.

After a minute, Ethan spoke, his voice a little more than a croak, "Never thought I'd ever have this again." He snuggled back against Benji. "When I let her go, I just… I thought that was it for me."

Benji inhaled him to the bottom of his lungs. "Well, I never thought I'd have it at all. Not outside my dreams, anyway." The thrill of it kept coming in waves, washing over him once again. He felt so _alive_ . "I am in love with you and I'm in bed with you and this is, probably, _definitely_ , the best night of my life!"

Ethan chuckled, shifting so that he could twist his head back and kiss him, "Benji… really, I never saw you coming."

"Right, well that tracks. I'm sittin' in front of a computer, pining for you and you're thinking of everyone in the world but me."

"Hey, that's not true." He rolled over to face him and stayed close. The corner of his mouth ticked up. "You've definitely been in the highlight reel."

Benji blew air through his lips. "Pfft, right."

"No, really. You have. I like red beards and British accents and I noticed how long your fingers are," he jumped his eyebrows.

Benji snorted and descended into laughter. "Ok, ok, let's say I believe you."

Ethan was smiling, eyes bright.

Benji tried to picture it--Ethan Hunt masturbating to thoughts of Benji Dunn--and it made him laugh self consciously. Ethan was just being nice. Surely.

For a subject change, Benji tied off the condom and chucked it in the bin. "Only had one of these, I'm afraid."

Ethan rolled out of bed and went through his own pockets. He snapped his fingers, separating matching packets from a deep fold of his wallet. "I've got two."

"Brilliant!"

Ethan tossed them onto the bed and went to the bathroom. Benji feasted on the sight of that bare arse in motion, and was caught. 

Eyebrow lifted, Ethan shut the door behind him. 

Benji scrubbed his face. Usually he woke up about now. This was _real_. He sent a volley of thanks spherically outward. 

A moment later, Ethan came back out drying his hands and tossed something he had tucked in his armpit. Benji caught it and had a hard squint at the small print. It was the complimentary lotion. "Ah. Much better. But does it have perfume in it? Because it's no good if--"

Ethan slid between Benji and the sheet, which made him drop and totally forget the label on the bottle. His heart went erratic, toes tingling. "Oh hello."

Ethan kissed him as if passing time. Lovely, _life giving_ presses of lip and warm breath with their bodies stacked together. Arousals stirring against each other unashamedly. Moans and happy chortles.

"I feel good about this," Ethan whispered, tracing lines on Benji's face.

"Of course you do. The bad guy already kidnapped me and threatened my life to get to you, so we've got that part of the relationship out of the way."

Ethan smacked his lips, objecting on principle rather than anger. "Don't even joke about that."

Cowed, his heart jumped. "M'sorry, but it's a coping mechanism, innit? Laughing helps me breathe." He gulped and forced his lungs to work against the phantom weight of that vest.

Ethan combed Benji's hair back, a forgiving smile on his lips.

Benji continued to smile but it felt wobbly. The jokes didn't work so well when they were called out like that. And it was possibly _worse_ now, knowing what he had come so close to never experiencing. He had almost died minutes from having everything he ever wanted. 

The atmosphere of the room darkened as they silently contemplated the mission as a whole and the various traumatic points. Benji scoffed at all the death defying stunts this job required on a daily basis. "How do you deal with almost dying?"

Ethan swelled with breath and mumbled, "I sleep it off."

"Really? That actually works?"

Ethan had a sultry grin. "Works better when it's a sex coma."

Benji hummed with understanding and quickly pinned Ethan to the bed. The success of the move stunned them both, and they chuckled. 

Ethan trembled. "Do you see it?"

"See what? What are you talking about?"

"How this works out," he said evenly. When Benji couldn't answer, his eyes veiled again, chest hitching slightly. "I'm falling in love with you. And... later on, when you ask me to marry you? I'll say yes."

"Ethan." Benji put their foreheads together, cradled by Ethan's entire body.

Time did a figure eight, looping from now, to the past, into the future, and back.

Ethan was right. When the proper time came, Benji would ask Ethan that question, because being a husband was something they had both always planned on.

"That is the mission, isn't it?" Ethan whispered. He had that genius look in his eyes, a new special grin on his face. "It's going to work."

Benji pulled the smell of Ethan to the very bottom of his lungs. This was it. This was the beginning of everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Been a while since we posted anything this explicit.... Hope you liked it!


End file.
